Glutten For Punishment

A few of you read between the lines and knew that while I was caring for my Paw-Paw before his death, I most likely wasn't doing so, by myself. I wasn't only dealing with his impending death, I was also dealing with the fact that my mother came into town to be with him as well. If you have been reading this blog for a long time then you know what this means. If you haven't been reading for a long time or don't know what exactly this means may I suggest reading these entries in order, or else this post will mean nothing to you. I'll wait for you.....

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Are you done now? See why this was some pretty heavy shit to have to deal with on top of everything else going on???

She got to see where I live, hell, she even stayed at my house several nights out of the two week stint that she was in town. She obviously saw the kids, a lot. All of this was unavoidable and I knew that the time was going to come, which is part of the reason why I choose to meet with her back in September.

It was a hard choice to let her come see my house, and let her have a visual of where I live, what the kid's rooms look like etc. but there really wasn't a choice. I have two guest rooms, and they needed to be used with all the family that was there, not doing overnight care. I requested that she take it very slow and keep her distance from the kids. Let them come to her, and not bombard them with "Grammy this and Grammy that" since they don't know her at all and I didn't really want them to realize that she was their "Grammy" or Grandmother.

She followed all the rules and since most of our focus was on the task at hand it was fine. Really it was.

The kids warmed up to her pretty quickly, and Olivia LOVED her and now asks about her a lot (which is EXACTLY what I was afraid of) and wants to know when "your mom" is going to come back. Neither kiddo ever really made the connection that she was their Grandmother which I thought was interesting, and she therefore never got an official name.

The night before my grandfather's passing, after seeing how close my kids were to my aunt (who lives in Texas and only comes to town 2-3x a year) for a week and half, I think she realized that it doesn't take too much to maintain a relationship. She said she was going to try to come in twice a year and would like to see us and wants to start over. She misses us, and loves me and the kids......

I've forgiven her before regarding my childhood.....she was sick and just didn't know it. It just got brought all to the forefront again once I had children and just couldn't fathom a mother, sick or not, treating her child the way I was treated, and was especially hard when I saw some of the same issues in myself. She isn't the same person that raised me in so many ways.....

But that doesn't mean that she isn't without fault, and that I trust her. I want to, but I have been burned and disappointed so many times before, and I can handle it but now my children are involved, just as I didn't want them to be....

Thursday she called and left a message at the house....and instead of taking the easy way out she made a little bit more of an effort and called my cell and instead of ignoring it, I answered.